That person I drew doesn't look like me (although sometimes I wish for purple hair!). But she represents me. On the other side of the page, beneath the words you see, beneath the layers of markers and paint and watercolor pencils and gesso, there's a whole page of sentences of stuff that goes through my head sometimes - the bad stuff, like... I'm not good enough. I can't do this.
Those kinds of icky thoughts that make us not feel good about ourselves.
But then, at the end of the project, I'm left with the words that are visible now...
it is OKAY to be ME
I've been thinking about this two-page spread and how it relates to all of my seven major chakras...
As a first chakra issue, the root chakra - It is safe for me to BE.
From a second chakra viewpoint, the sacral chakra - It is okay for me to be myself in relationship with others.
As a third chakra issue, the solar plexus chakra - I can step into my personal power, I can be self-actualized.
Looking at it from the fourth chakra, the heart chakra - I can love myself enough to accept myself.
As a fifth chakra issue, the throat chakra - I can speak and express my truth.
From the viewpoint of the sixth chakra, the third eye chakra - I can be open to my intuition and see the guidance to live my life and follow my own path.
And looking at it from the seventh chakra, the crown chakra - I am connected to Divine Spirit, one with all, and that connection makes me whole and okay.
All of this is big for me. For so much of my life I was afraid of being myself - because I might be rejected, I might fail, I might not measure up, I might not be accepted. But the thing is... I am so beyond tired of living that way.
The past several years have been a time of learning to stop living that way - and gradually, very gradually, I have come to the place where (most days) I really know that the words in my art journaling project are true.
It is okay to be me.
It's more than okay, actually. It's necessary. It's needed. It is essential to my life to be who I am.
And if that means risking displeasure, if that means rejection, if that means not meeting certain expectations, if that means being unfriended on facebook or not being invited to a gathering... then so be it. I'm finally willing to take those risks, because I have realized - finally, fully, deep-down-realized - that some things are worth the risk.
And being okay with being me is worth the risk.
It is okay to be me.
It really is okay. It is okay for us all to be who we are. It is okay for you to be you. It is OKAY. Be yourself. Trust yourself. It might mean letting go of some things, letting go of some ideas or thoughts, letting go of some people.
And although letting go can be hard, it's not good to lose yourself in the process of trying to hold on.
Sometimes letting go is the path to peace, the path to balance.
And it is okay. It is all okay.
The first time I read this, Gin, I just kept sighing and holding my hand to my heart. I know I keep saying this, but I can so relate to what you're talking about here. Like, every detail relate! It's so hard and it's so scary, and it's super important to acknowledge that because so many don't... and then the rest of us are left to wonder what's wrong with us that it's so hard for us when it's so easy for 'everyone else'. I don't believe that it is.
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited that you're taking this journey with me in so many ways, and that you're fed up with hiding the parts of you that want to shine. I am too!
My favorite part about what you said here is this: "And although letting go can be hard, it's not good to lose yourself in the process of trying to hold on." Ahhhh....
Yes. <3
Thank you for this, Angel. <3 It's good to be reminded that we're not alone, and I SO appreciate your courage to be real and honest - you're inspiring me and helping me in my journey, and I'm very grateful.
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